As we move into week six of remote learning and basically eight weeks of lockdown I hope things are well for your families. We have tried to put a positive spin on lockdown life through our videos and weekly “You and Me With A Cuppa Tea” catch up.  In addition the daily zooms have become a part of remote learning life and are a means by which the children can at least have some connection with their class colleagues.  You will have also noticed that the teachers are now starting to give more feedback through the assignment tasks set. This is again to try and personalise things as best as we can.

I get a sense from the students who are at school that things are starting to bubble a little in some homes.  I must admit that there are days when I am working remotely that the walls are starting to come in on me and I too am showing my frustration on occasions.  I thought that perhaps we could focus on managing frustration, especially for the students who struggle with emotional maturity, to effectively respond to it.  I don’t think the community has really worked out how to handle frustration yet.  Infact, frustration is quite often discouraged and we frequently see no place for it in families, schools or communities.  Quite often it is confused with anger.

I have seen over time, and used myself as well, four ways that frustration or anger is dealt with.  I think the fourth one is the only way I have successfully dealt with it and is the one I have placed greatest focus on when my children were growing up:

Muzzle it - Bury it and it will go away.  This never worked for my kids, it then simmered and didn’t dissipate.

Muscle it - Some children lash out so that a friend, sibling or parent feels their anger.

Mouth it - Verbal attacks can be hurtful and can backfire.

Manage it - Express it in ways that are not hurtful to anyone including the person frustrated.

Here are some strategies for managing frustration and anger:

1. Recognise it when your child gets angry. What are the physical signs? What are they thinking? Acknowledge with your child that we are all different but tension, heavy breathing and clenched teeth are common reactions.
2. Name it and help your child to develop the words that indicate it; “I’m about to lose it.” would be one example.  I’m sure if you ask your child, they could give you more! Giving the emotions a name is the first step in recognising frustration.
3. Help your child recognise that they have a choice to stay in control or lose control when they get angry or frustrated.
4. Encourage your child to express how they feel, as this is a healthy thing.  Yelling at someone when they are frustrated is not.  Using “I” statements are good, e.g. “I feel angry when you say nasty things to me.”
5. Help your child find a way to let it out e.g. belt a pillow, go and kick the ball away from where everyone else is.  We need to teach kids how to calm down.  Deep breathing is one example.  Something they can keep in their pocket to squeeze when playing a game they know has the potential to make them annoyed in some way. 

Finally, you might like to make a plan together with your child using some of the above strategies, or adding those that you know works for your child.

Considering the above might help you keep your household during lockdown less stressful.  Should you feel you need more support I have attached a list of external agencies.

Leave it with you.